The Stateless Jerk
As soon as the new constitution is officially ratified and brought into action I am going to accuse a wealthy businessman of leaving Islam and try him for apostasy under clause "Raa" of Article 9, effectively making him stateless. I will have a slimy lawyer argue that at the time of the new constitution coming into act the accused was a practicing Christian and therefore as of that moment not a Maldivian.
The businessman will try to prove his faith in Islam - pleading, sobbing and reciting verses and short Surahs he learned in primary school Islam class. "Gulhuvallaah...". But he is lying and faking, your honor!! His wife will testify for him. But she's a nun, you're honor! Only a cold-blooded, bible thumping Christian could lie with such natural theatrics. Look, it's the devil's work!
The judge, being a guy who've looked at the world through a straw all his life and whose most scholastic read was the Ladybird Reader book 2a ("Here comes Peter. Here comes Jane."), will abide by the new law of the land and revoke the citizenship from the businessman effective immediately. Har har! Your work keeps Maldives 100% stupid, I mean Muslim, your honor.
At which point, the new government can freeze his millions in the banks and use the money to conduct more research into Jinni-mob behavior and to train an army of more effective fanditha-verin.
Meanwhile, floating away with his family with nothing but a pair of underpants in a plastic bag on a bokkuraa towards the Andaman, the poor businessman will be thinking what the hell just hit him.
The Maldives constitution hit you, you stateless jerk!
Comments
Good point Simon - one that a lot of MPs would undoubtedly have had in their minds when Article 9 'raa' was debated but felt that they couldn't argue against it for the fear of a public backlash.
Posted by: msa | June 5, 2008 8:04 AM
so what exactly is the problem here? it's pure n simple that maldivians require to be muslim as a prerequisite for citizenship, n it has been like that since rannamaari stopped visiting us. the consititution naturally takes into account such calamities not to mention tsunamis. why can't u be just thankful for that?
Posted by: M | June 5, 2008 10:01 AM
Requiring Maldivians to be muslim as a prerequisite for citizenship effectively makes the Maldives a cult rather than a nation.
I just cannot bring my mind to believing that all that sex is waiting for me in a place called Jannah if I live according to that barbarian Mohammed from Arabia.
I dont suppose i will get a bokkura. But I will be happy even to escape floating with two dry coconuts.
Posted by: Ismail | June 5, 2008 12:07 PM
fabulous, i'm keeping myself from laughing out loud not to wake up the kids. hehe
No Passport for Non-Moslem-Maldivian
Want Passport from Non-Moslem-Tourist
Posted by: Mohandhas | June 6, 2008 2:08 AM
So, are there any internet groups for us (maldivian) stateless jerks?
Been an atheist since 21 and would like to see more of 'my kind' :D
Posted by: ontological.jackal | June 6, 2008 7:52 PM
err..why don't you start your own jerk group.. you can be the boss..and people like simon could hold important positions in that group.
Posted by: hatab | June 16, 2008 9:40 PM