What this country needs
Recently a friend and I went for a ride around town as per the famous local pastime.
"You know, I really don't get it. What's with the license plate number system of this country? Seldom have I come across a more complicated system of numbering. The mix of letters and numbers seem a little over the top, isn't it?", I said.
"No, it is not. In fact, by simply looking at the number plates highly trained police officials can tell who you are, your address and what you had for lunch and dinner for the past year and, get this, they can also tell whether it is you who is driving the vehicle and if so what colour underwear you're wearing.", he said.
"Amazing, new technology?".
"Yep. Whoever designed it was either super-smart or was actually a prehistoric life form from the Cambrian explosion," he said, and added, "I suspect it is the latter."
By this time we were passing Aifaanu building and the Hulhumaale' ferry terminal was right in front of us.
"Have you been to Hulhumale'?" I asked.
"Yeah. Once or twice I think. Nice place and the ferry ride there makes it all worth it."
"How so?"
"Well the ferries themselves are probably designed to give you a 20 minute experience of how it feels like to be in the kuda golhi along with 100 or so others. The air is foul from the stink of cheap perfume and day old sweat from buruga clad women and school children and sweaty men and it is nicely contained inside a carriage that is designed for maximum suffocation by having no ventilation mechanisms at all."
"Ack!"
"Yep. There is only one thing that can survive that environment for more an a few hours in a stretch."
"What?"
"Cockroaches. And you'll find a lot of them once in a while heading outside the carriage to get some fresh air. And look at the way ferries have to maneuver to make a departure.", he said pointing at a departing ferry.
"Yeah. I've seen that before. Why did they build this terminal the way it is? Soon there will be a need to have a bigger terminal and bigger ferries. Even now I suppose. And why can't we have a proper ferry system. After all they're transporting passengers not vegetables!", I said quite irritated.
"But that's the thing. They ARE vegetables. Not one of them will complain. For us Maldivians, almost any situation however miserable it is, is ok."
"Well, did YOU complain?", I asked.
"Yep. To one of the guys in charge."
"What did he say?"
"He said so far no one's complained. Hehe!"
"Hah! Hey you know that guy we used to hang out with...the one with the bucket-of-bolts motorcycle?"
"Yeah. I heard he's bloody rich now after winning and then selling one of those lucky draw resorts. Apparently he's bought a house or two in some country and moved family there.", he said.
"Yep. Don't you think that is unfair? Shouldn't everyone get a share in that. Shouldn't the government plan it for everyone's benefit? How I came to know about this was through a another friend who ended the delivery of the news by saying 'gadha lhaaennu dho?!'"
"Yeah, I think we are mentally ill or something. What to do!"
As we passed the row of jolifathi at the artificial beach he pointed at a couple of guys smoking and said they were smoking a joint. How he knew I don't know. Anyway, we continued.
"One day at around 2 am I was sipping coffee with a friend at the Seahouse restaurant. The place was practically empty and we were about to flee the scene when in pops two girls clad in tank-tops and mini skirts. My friend signaled them to come and sit with us."
"And?", I asked curiously.
"Well, apparently they were bored and was looking for a way to party. And my friend asked them what makes a party for them."
"And?"
"One of the girls said that the night before they had cocaine. I almost spat out the bit of arecanuts in my mouth in shock."
"Woah. Really!?!"
"Yeah man. We're way outdated. Hehe. And guess what? They said they had better hurry because they had school the next day."
"Shit man!", I said shocked.
"Yeah, you know what this country needs, Simon?", he asked me very seriously.
"A new leader?"
"No man! This country needs one big enema!"