The Maldivian Way
Do you know what's really amusing? Making fun of ourselves. So at the risk of making sweeping generalizations I present to you my pick of top observations of the Maldivian way.
We don't follow international traffic conventions
In the UK they drive on the left. In the USA they drive on the right. But in Maldives we drive in the shade. When the traffic lights were installed in Male' I wished to have large hangar like roofs at every light stop to protect me from the scorching sun during the minute I spend there. Also then we wouldn't see air-conditioned cars waiting, under a shade 100 meters away, for the lights to turn green.
We're always in a hurry but never arrive on time
You see it everywhere. Motorcycles whooshing past at breakneck speeds and you wonder where the driver is headed in such a hurry. If you stop one of them and ask you'll find that they are going nowhere in particular. We just love to be always in a hurry but never make it a point to arrive on time. It is just one of those things.
Their 1st floor is our 2nd floor
On a recent visit to a government office I was told to go to "thinvana buri" (3rd floor) to find the person I was looking for. I went up the stairs and lo and behold there was no 3rd floor in the building! We don't dig the concept of the ground floor which is our first floor.
The art of doing nothing in particular
If I call anyone and ask what they are up to there is a big chance that he or she is doing nothing in particular. Blame it on the popularized tourism mantra of the same concept.
Nasi Goreng is dead! Long live Nasi Goreng!
We usually find restaurant menus daunting and sometimes it is just too much work to decode the names of some good restaurant menu items. What's the hell is this Bouillabaisse de Rouget, we ask ourselves, and then after half an hour of perusing and studying the menu with squinty eyes we triumphantly order Nasi Goreng and a Fresh Orange - in a French restaurant. Good choice, madam!
So while you're waiting in the shade at the traffic light and is really in a hurry to arrive late for a meeting over lunch in a restaurant on the dhevana buri (I mean 1st floor) and not doing anything in particular but thinking of the Nasi Goreng and fresh orange you're going to order, think of some more Maldivian ways.
s. | March 12, 2007 3:02 AM | Reply
About floor numbering. It is not just in Dhivehi that the British system is not followed. 'Thinvana buri' (in Dhivehi) generally means '2nd floor' (British System) except for people who uses non-intelligent Babelfish in their head built on colonialist foundations ;)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Floor_numbering#First_floor
hamza | March 12, 2007 3:09 AM | Reply
As dubious a source that wikipedia is it's dead on in this case. S is right. Americans call the ground floor the first floor while Britons tend to call it the ground floor. I think it would be correct to point out that we Maldivians actually don't settle on a particular form of English and alternate between the two at times. While we follow the American when it comes to numbering floors and in certain cases when pronouncing the word "dance", we choose the word "football" and not "soccer" and we tend to pronounce the word can't with the classy "AH" form of the vowel instead of the American "AE".
The Nasi Goreng and fresh orange joke never fails to bring a smile to my face although I think that stereotype was relevant only in the 90s but maybe still in Maldivian movies. :D
Athena | March 12, 2007 4:25 AM | Reply
somebody clue me in to the Nasi Goreng and Fresh Orange Joke?
shanoo | March 12, 2007 6:46 AM | Reply
Our way of greeting, 'haadha fala vejjey', 'haadha kalhuvejey''haadha hikijey'
If asked the question how did u loose weight..its always by doing nothing..it just happened on its own.. miracles do happen!
Maldivian way of being so 'pretentous', its almost sad..
I think I bettter shut up now..
good one simon
nass | March 12, 2007 7:20 AM | Reply
cool article simon. i never really liked Nasi Goreng... my fav. used to be Bami Goreng
dreamxcape | March 12, 2007 9:02 AM | Reply
Long live the gorengs indeed. hehe
razzan | March 12, 2007 9:14 AM | Reply
never liked nasi goreng .. club sandwiches and fish n chips is far better
Maldivian Poet | March 12, 2007 10:34 AM | Reply
true true...the floor contradictions always did confuse me frankly...this post was hilarious although it is how we all proud maldivians live our lives...heheh :)
nass | March 12, 2007 1:20 PM | Reply
Thought i'd add sumthin about the floor numbering.
This is sumthin i've observed in Malaysia only (so far).
In most of the Hotels I've stayed or visited, there is NO 4th FLOOR. Ok I know that mite sound confusing. The 4th floor is physcially there, but when naming the floors, they leave the 4th floor out.
Also there are no rooms with the letter '4' in it. So it goes like Room 212, 213, 215... no 214
This has sumthin to do with Chinese beliefs (superstitions) that no. 4 is unlucky.... or means death or sumthin like that..
also apparently while taking pictures, it is "unlucky" to be in the middle (say there are 3 ppl in the picture n ur the one in the middle)... chinese superstition goes on to say that the person in the middle will die soon (I found this very recently at a friend's party)
that's all for now... it's getting too long i geuss ;)
c u around Simon.
Zero | March 12, 2007 2:44 PM | Reply
A pretty hilarious one.
Let me add something to the 'floor' one...
I was once narrated by a 'Hajjaa-ji' who went for Hajj in C/o of a particular group (name withheld).
In their hotel lift, there is a notice pasted which says:
"Komme beyfulhakuves emeehegge buria fitthavaasheve. Ehen meehunge buria nufitthavaasheve"
This comment is getting a bit long...let me stop there...
Nice one simon !
hamza | March 12, 2007 6:26 PM | Reply
Athena: It's an old joke albeit one fraught with class tensions that we ignore to this very day. The joke mainly pokes fun at untravelled, working class Maldivians who find it hard to interpret the menus at "upscale" restaurants in the Maldives (which I personally think are all fancy names and no real cuisine anyway) and choose stereotypical meals such as the infamous fish & chips with a milkshake or the more common Nasi Goreng and a fresh orange. I think the latter order was made famous by former movie star and current MP Moosa "Rico" Manik as a line in one of his movies. It's not a particularly cruel joke but there is a certain degree of pretention involved when educated, middle-class Maldivians draw this class boundary with prejudice. Sometimes it's just harmless fun as well as long as the butt of the joke is completely unaware that he/she is the fall guy/girl.
chopey | March 12, 2007 11:40 PM | Reply
dude, remember this URL http://minyos.xx.rmit.edu.au/~s9510860/
Simon | March 13, 2007 6:37 AM | Reply
Chopey,
Yes of course. And what a URL it is. A quite a historic one too, eh?
subcorpus | March 13, 2007 3:38 PM | Reply
you are a good observationist brother ...
hehe ...
good one ...
we may be all that and more ...
but we are who we are ...
and we are maldivians ...
am sure other other people would have same kinda things to say about their countries as well ...
hehe ...
nashith | March 16, 2007 2:50 AM | Reply
Nice, its rather funny. But its all true. Great observation.
tinkerbell | March 17, 2007 6:32 PM | Reply
all the points u mentioned aree soooo tru abt us! loL!
athena | March 19, 2007 10:20 AM | Reply
thanks hamza for clueing me in.
ali as in light | March 20, 2007 1:57 AM | Reply
aaah maldivians and their ways!
another thing is we dont have a word for hello, when we meet someone on the street we say konthaakah thi dhanee?? i dont think anybody cares where the other is going, but somehow everyone asks where everyone is going : )
iesam | March 20, 2007 8:22 AM | Reply
Well, first i would say, simon hates to be a Maldivian. Because Maldivians are ignorant. Someone may ask why?
Certainly enough who educates Maldivians? Mostly it is the British. However the lifstyles have been shaped by the Americans and the so Called "Hollywood".
Now you will see my answer to the first and second floor problem.
About the Nasi Goreng Joke Simon, We all know maldivian food is quite limited. How can most of the Maldivians decide on a french menu? or a german menu, japanese for that matter?
Maldivians are very simple (ignorant) people, infact i think now in a process of change and so after some years it might just surprise me that we change not only in our way of life, but our cuisine too.
I have nothing against you Simon. This is my thought against yours
Simon | March 20, 2007 12:17 PM | Reply
iesam,
I do not hate to be a Maldivian. If anything I think I am most patriotic. I speak against and for us because if we don't analyse ourselves someone else will and that will be too insulting, no?
I cannot see why Maldivian food being limited has anything to do with a habit?
This process of change is political not a change in mentality. We need to work on the latter.
And I have nothing against you, iesam.
ali as in light | March 20, 2007 1:24 PM | Reply
Only a proud maldivian could have written about the maldivian ways in such a humourous and unpatronising manner.
And I dont think Maldivians are ignorant. They may be simple but thats not synonymous (my god, is that the spelling??) with ignorance! We lived in secluded communities, we had simple needs, hence simple lives. We did not know more because there was no need to know more. Now we are grappling with new ideas, new technologies and new ways of doing things, so its understandable that there will be teething problems in adjusting to these novel things. We, the current generation is witnessing history in the making, so lets see how it all plays out
another proud maldivian